I’ve been looking for something insightful to color my world: a new novel, a new hobby, a new hangout. Nothing seems to grab my attention. I’m strongly considering changing majors in graduate school. Is this wise? Who cares, I wasn’t really asking you.
I feel like I’m stuck in one of those flicks where the ending is predictable. You scream at the top of your lungs to go the other way, avoid danger, but it’s unavoidable. You do not find yourself buried under gravel until you have already slipped, torn too many ligaments, and broken both legs. Do I need to fall to get back up again? For all my life, I felt like I needed to crash and burn to get back to the place of illumination. I don’t want to be in the abyss, or to hit rock bottom, to realize that I need to decide where to go from here. Everything that I do, or have been preparing for, has led to the realization that everything around me is going to change swiftly. I could either sit back and suppress my anxieties or face my perplexities head on. It’s time to grow up. I do not want to live an uneventful and predictable life, fattening myself up with mindless chatter and celebrity gossip. I want to do something great and extraordinary.
Most of all, I want to do something spectacular for myself for once. I’m done with wallowing over things that I cannot change. I’m ready to move on from here and take things by storm but that includes having to ruthlessly weed out strong opposition that comes between my dreams and myself. I will do this. I won’t look back. I won’t have regrets.
